cybermule: (Default)
I started the new job last week. It seems fine - work is the right balance of interesting and undemanding, boss seems plain speaking and pleasant, and the rest of the people are also nice. Only downside is waking in the middle of the night every couple of days wracked with guilt at leaving the sprog with a childminder. Which I know is daft but I still feel it and it has been compounded with losing the child's favourite hat to give a slight feeling of #mummafail.

The bathroom still isn't finished, but is looking good. It has been a challenged to my control-freakery and need for neatness.

Had an awful weekend with my brother staying. All he did was whine, pick on me, grumble about the quality of the hospitality we had to offer, and turn on a passive-aggressive "what's that? can't hear anything!" whenever I told him to stop being a dickwit. Seriously, I could have punched him while he was here, and am left feeling pretty drained and depressed. Even 0ct0pus* got pissed off at him trying to get him to bitch about how long I was taking to have a pee before I went out to fix his car.

Cos yeah - everyone knows I take hours to get ready *eyeroll* Really and truly I could right now deal with never seeing him again. Meh.

* the same 0ct0pus who is now a qualified climber :)
cybermule: (Default)
Does anyone have a southernwood plant that I could nick cuttings off? I really want one, and I just can't find them anywhere.

Knitting is going well. I'm making my mam some gloves for mothers day. She''l hate them, but then she'll hate anything that isn't a bottle of whisky, which her her standard present request, and which I refuse to get her.

I went to yoga last night, and it was best ever. I can't believe how much better my hips feel. Everything's all loosened up. And the lady said I was really flexible, which was very gratifying. Especially at nearly 6 months pregnant. I also fixed the lounge yesterday - put up all those motherfucking pictures that have been cluttering the place for months, and the trunking. Kitchen is nearly sorted, and hopefully we can move onto loft and nursery stuff.

While I was drilling holes to hang pictures, I mostly imagined I was drilling through my ex's forehead. Apparently he's getting married in a couple of months, which is a very odd feeling. Especially as he always said that he wouldn't ever get married ;P
cybermule: (Default)
Soooo... what's what in the stable?

Well, firstly, thanks to all the people who expressed sympathy for my fragile mental state in my last post. Sympathy is nice, however little I'm angling for it. Mostly those posts are just there to try and galvanise me into sorting my life out, but the sympathy and understanding is nice.

I think since last Wednesday, both the physical and the mental health have been out of whack. Saw ex on Wednesday, on a work trip to Exeter, which always annoys me. I have no idea why it does, but it always stresses me out. Enough to have not slept at all on Wednesday night, and to therefore be ill on Thursday.

So I think that's enough seeing my ex. There are actually a lot of concrete reasons why he stresses me, but going into them here is just whinging.

Enough ex already.

So, Thursday morning was a write-off due to lack of sleep. I did a little work on Thursday afternoon, but felt utterly nauseous and pretty much gave up, except to go to my final women's group in the evening. That felt weird. It'll be the last one until September. Maybe forever. We'll see how it goes - the plan is to go to ACOA instead.

Staggered into work on Friday, then staggered off home again sick, and had a couple of hours sleep. Went out with my brother and Em on Friday eveing, to Zero Degrees and a few other pubs. Had a good eveing, although the food may have been dodgy as we all ended up sick by the end of the evening.

Spent Saturday slacking, and playing Black and White on [profile] 0c0tpus' new laptop. Forgot how good that game was. Went walking on Sunday with my friend Lou. Ate so much roast dinner, my stomach hurt. Although, bear in mind that I hadn't really eaten anything to speak of since Wednesday evening due to intense barfiness.

Appetite's returned, though. Hopefully, I can run tonight. Tried last night, and it was a disaster, as I was nearly sick. I'd upped the running cycle to two minutes on, two minutes off, and it hurt too much.

So really, I have to address the issue of what keeps making me sick. It's not funny any more, and I can't totally blame my ex. I blame work quite a lot. I've got to really hate it - every time my self-esteem crawls up above the normal minimum, somebody at work kicks it back down again.

I'm not interested, and I don't feel appreciated or valued. So I need a good hard think through all my options.

Luckily, I'm going to have plenty of chance to do that, with a six day weekend coming up. I'm going on a big walk on Castlemorton Common on Thursday. Pub lunch, maybe a stroll up the Malverns. Followed by a weekend in my own house, doing all those DIY odds and ends that stress me out in the wee small hours. And lots of walking and swimming and playing of games.

Then another weekend away doing healthy stuff. Then a weekend in North Wales. Woohoo. And I've booked plenty of days off.

So plenty of quiet healthy living, and thinking.
cybermule: (Default)
Stuff to do:

Sort out tiles and seals in bathroom
Board up gaps in kitchen
Seals in kitchen, by sink
Shelves in porch
Blind in lounge
Paper and pipes in lounge
Hang pictures
Skirting boards

I guess I'll just take a weekend to do it some time.
cybermule: (Default)
Today started out like shite. Everything made me panic, I couldn't even cope with work, and was in a major stress overload.

Probably due to setting boundaries with my family over the weekend. That always makes me feel like a heel, and boy! do they like to push against them. All I asked for is one measly shopping trip a month and some financial responsibility, and you'd have thought the sky was falling in.

I dug my allotment on Sunday, after a 12 hour sleep-athon. I also did a couple of quotes for business stuff that may drag me in a cool 600 quid. I charge too little for my time, I decided. I did my cashflow analysis for my business plan tonight, along with other small administrative sundries. I feel more cheerful for clearing that, plus the mountain of "real" paid work is starting to erode.

My new lodger is lovely. She left the house so tidy at the weekend that I only knew she'd been there because the house was slightly more tidy than I left it. And she bought us a bottle of wine for later in the week. And we watched TV together.

My big mental challenge at the moment, when I'm not asking my family to act half reasonable, is to balance living in the moment with productivity and planning. How do you reconcile the two? I'm a natural planner. I'm tidy and organised. But how does that not directly contravene my resolution to enjoy the here and now?

I have two mornings off this week. Tomorrow I cycle and swim (today I did a km), and plant some seeds. Thursday, visiting an aunt and doing more allotment.

But now, to bed. Perchance not to dream, as I had a git of a dream last night where my childhood house burned down, everyone died, and then my ex told me just how happy and good everything was with his new bit of crumpet.

Thanks, subconcious.
cybermule: (Default)
I've finally cleaned up the spare bedroom, so my new lodger can move in on Monday. Fingers crossed she won't be a complete psycho. It looks nice - I put the red curtains from my room in there, and there's going to be a red rug too.

I have new curtains in my room. They're dark blue, with light blue stars on, and some rather pissed off looking bats.

And I can see some of the floor in the spare room.

Left to do:

Phone man AGAIN about dad's stamp collection
Put stuff in loft
Tidy my room
Give the rest of the house a quick spritz before monday.

I'll try to do all that by the time I go to bed on Monday evening.
cybermule: (Default)
Spare room:
To get my decks up and sorted by 18th February, and to have space to sit nicely with people and play on them.
cybermule: (Default)
I cleared a whole van-load of crap out of my house today, and I feel so much better for it. Loads of stuff has gone to the recycling centre, leaving space for me to sort out other big mounds of clutter.

I can't believe how much better this makes me feel. It's a huge weight off my mind, as well as a huge weight off my patio.
cybermule: (Default)
My room is pretty much straight now, thank god. So two of the bedrooms, the upstairs landing, the bathroom and the lounge are all together.

Bedroom three, the hall cupboard, the kitchen, the downstairs landing/hall and the garden all need serious sorting. I don't regard the garden as work, but I do need some sort of action plan. And some free time.
cybermule: (Default)
Well, it seems I'll have a housemate from September to December. And he's a good cook too, so that'll help us get along, I'm sure. Plus, some extra money to put into the mortgage fund.

I'm mostly wondering what it'll be like to share with someone in my own house. I've found flat-sharing hard work at times, but I'm quite old to be doing it for the first time and this way, I might feel more in control.

It'll be a good way of learning more about the world too, as the guy's Chinese. And if all else fails, I can go and hide somewhere else for a month or two, I'm sure.

So now all I need to do is find someone to move in in January to take his place :P

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