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Auditory Processing Issues and WTF is going on here please
Part of my ASD spectrum diagnosis was the strong suggestion that I suffer from Auditory Processing Disorder (ASD). I could get tested for it - it's either an even longer wait than ASD on the NHS, or it's a lot of fucking money privately. My psychologist got a private assessment, but as a therapist it's probably worth doing.
It means I can't process auditory data in a "normal" fashion. Which I knew really, but I assigned to just being a bit crap.
- Listening to people in pubs and clubs is mostly polite nodding over a white noise burble. I'm lucky in that my friend groups are just generally cool, with the book club being accommodating to another person's hearing issues, which is probably why I've bedded in well there.
- Not hearing people the first time, even in a clear noise situation. B and I call this syllable salad - we both do it a bit, but I'm the worst I think. Often she can say something and it makes no sense while also being clear as a bell. It may well make sense about a second after I ask her to repeat it. Linked to:
- Needing to lip read. I mishear B most often when we're in the car and I can't see her face. Which is also where we have the best conversations, to be fair. It needs a *lot* of concentration, and we're working on it. She's accepting of me just flagging up when I'm tuning out - driving and listening simultaneously is too much brain work on occasion. I can't hear people when they're smoking or drinking. Linked to:
- Zoom is fucking hard work. I can manage one to one, but multi person is just nope. Hence the massive couple therapy fail - I couldn't work out who was supposed to answer, and I didn't appreciate being patronised over. Like, if two are you are looking at one person on Zoom, how do you know who they're addressing? Magic skills.
Some of these I can now accommodate in light of my diagnosis - I can ask for interview questions in advance, I can tell the chair of my committee that Zoom meetings are a problem. It does all make a good deal of sense - like I said, I just thought I was stupid because I couldn't listen, process, think and reply in the right level of time and complexity. I won't be doing couple therapy over Zoom again. That was just a pile of shit. Good therapist, crappy situation.
Where things become more grey are in the area of personal relationships. I guess I've already noticed that I'm turned off by people who monologue. I can't remember the beginning of what they said by the time we got to the end, so I dissociate and nod vaguely. I do fine in situations where there's a shorter and more turn based conversation. So the problems are with a minority, and I do ok to thriving within the life I've created for myself.
I need to work out how to interact with the minority. Or whether I do at all, really. It's about accommodation of my needs - I've been told too often that this is the style that works for the other person, and just bowed to it. I think walls of electronic text push the same APD button for some reason - I read them aloud rather than glyph read them like paper. God knows what the deal with that is. But why did I sit down to accepting big walls of text and saying I'd read them on my laptop not my phone? Flinging essays at people on emotional issues isn't that great a method, and it's not necessarily a fault in me not to be able to deal with that.
There is a good deal of talk about female vs male autism with regards to masking and empathy and flexibility of interaction. I need to think about it a lot more, and maybe research. But my hunch is that each privilege variable in your favour means that you have less need to learn how to deal with your neurodivergence. There is the popular autism cliche of the middle class white cis dude who gets shit done, doesn't take prisoners, and doesn't engage in that silly emotional stuff cos autism. And there is so much privilege there that lets them get away with it.
They might be less popular than they desire, but they still earn plenty and can bask in that renegade genius dude trope. Whereas a woman who doesn't read the room and adjust may not only lose friends, but also get the crap beaten out of them or raped. It's much more dangerous to not be normal every time you tick a square on the minority bingo. So adjusting, coping and managing everyone's expectations becomes a life strategy rather than an optional extra.
It means I can't process auditory data in a "normal" fashion. Which I knew really, but I assigned to just being a bit crap.
- Listening to people in pubs and clubs is mostly polite nodding over a white noise burble. I'm lucky in that my friend groups are just generally cool, with the book club being accommodating to another person's hearing issues, which is probably why I've bedded in well there.
- Not hearing people the first time, even in a clear noise situation. B and I call this syllable salad - we both do it a bit, but I'm the worst I think. Often she can say something and it makes no sense while also being clear as a bell. It may well make sense about a second after I ask her to repeat it. Linked to:
- Needing to lip read. I mishear B most often when we're in the car and I can't see her face. Which is also where we have the best conversations, to be fair. It needs a *lot* of concentration, and we're working on it. She's accepting of me just flagging up when I'm tuning out - driving and listening simultaneously is too much brain work on occasion. I can't hear people when they're smoking or drinking. Linked to:
- Zoom is fucking hard work. I can manage one to one, but multi person is just nope. Hence the massive couple therapy fail - I couldn't work out who was supposed to answer, and I didn't appreciate being patronised over. Like, if two are you are looking at one person on Zoom, how do you know who they're addressing? Magic skills.
Some of these I can now accommodate in light of my diagnosis - I can ask for interview questions in advance, I can tell the chair of my committee that Zoom meetings are a problem. It does all make a good deal of sense - like I said, I just thought I was stupid because I couldn't listen, process, think and reply in the right level of time and complexity. I won't be doing couple therapy over Zoom again. That was just a pile of shit. Good therapist, crappy situation.
Where things become more grey are in the area of personal relationships. I guess I've already noticed that I'm turned off by people who monologue. I can't remember the beginning of what they said by the time we got to the end, so I dissociate and nod vaguely. I do fine in situations where there's a shorter and more turn based conversation. So the problems are with a minority, and I do ok to thriving within the life I've created for myself.
I need to work out how to interact with the minority. Or whether I do at all, really. It's about accommodation of my needs - I've been told too often that this is the style that works for the other person, and just bowed to it. I think walls of electronic text push the same APD button for some reason - I read them aloud rather than glyph read them like paper. God knows what the deal with that is. But why did I sit down to accepting big walls of text and saying I'd read them on my laptop not my phone? Flinging essays at people on emotional issues isn't that great a method, and it's not necessarily a fault in me not to be able to deal with that.
There is a good deal of talk about female vs male autism with regards to masking and empathy and flexibility of interaction. I need to think about it a lot more, and maybe research. But my hunch is that each privilege variable in your favour means that you have less need to learn how to deal with your neurodivergence. There is the popular autism cliche of the middle class white cis dude who gets shit done, doesn't take prisoners, and doesn't engage in that silly emotional stuff cos autism. And there is so much privilege there that lets them get away with it.
They might be less popular than they desire, but they still earn plenty and can bask in that renegade genius dude trope. Whereas a woman who doesn't read the room and adjust may not only lose friends, but also get the crap beaten out of them or raped. It's much more dangerous to not be normal every time you tick a square on the minority bingo. So adjusting, coping and managing everyone's expectations becomes a life strategy rather than an optional extra.