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And I will sing, waiting for the gift of sound and vision... drifting into my solitude
Another of the "S"s. I desperately needed solitude last weekend. Asked for it and got it. Taking on extra work around the time I got Covid was unhelpful to anything other than my bank balance, and I have some occasional intense freelance work that pays well but crucifies my introversion.
I think I need a lot of solitude. More than I think, and more than I get. I had a massive solitude debt after home edding for 18 months in 2019 - 20, and trying to repay that and balance it with the needs of a relationship was hard work. It's a gender difference that annoys me. Men are more entitled to solitude in their hobbies or man sheds and women are supposed to be social. By default we always end up around people - men, kids, other women. Solitary women were burned as witches. And I've had several male partners that were very strenuous about their own solitude then quite pouty when I tried to take some. They would occasionally gift me some solitude, like that would even touch the sides of my big introversion hole. And it doesn't count if you've used the company during the day, eaten your dinner, and then slunk off to your hobbies to give your missus some alone time :P
Saying that, I have company at the moment. A last minute houseguest. But she is undemanding and kind to be around. I'm struggling with accepting that in all honesty - I'm used to the pull and drain of male energy nibbling away at my reserves and leaving me empty and cranky.
So finding quiet alone time is going to continue to be my mission. Just making the most of space and silence, and allowing my own self to come to the foreground.
I think I need a lot of solitude. More than I think, and more than I get. I had a massive solitude debt after home edding for 18 months in 2019 - 20, and trying to repay that and balance it with the needs of a relationship was hard work. It's a gender difference that annoys me. Men are more entitled to solitude in their hobbies or man sheds and women are supposed to be social. By default we always end up around people - men, kids, other women. Solitary women were burned as witches. And I've had several male partners that were very strenuous about their own solitude then quite pouty when I tried to take some. They would occasionally gift me some solitude, like that would even touch the sides of my big introversion hole. And it doesn't count if you've used the company during the day, eaten your dinner, and then slunk off to your hobbies to give your missus some alone time :P
Saying that, I have company at the moment. A last minute houseguest. But she is undemanding and kind to be around. I'm struggling with accepting that in all honesty - I'm used to the pull and drain of male energy nibbling away at my reserves and leaving me empty and cranky.
So finding quiet alone time is going to continue to be my mission. Just making the most of space and silence, and allowing my own self to come to the foreground.
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