yoinked from apel, purveyor of fine quizzes

( Hindu deity quiz )

Having an OK day today, achieving many small niggling tasks at work. Surprising how much you can do by diverting procrastinatory energy into useful work :P

(edited to remove over-zealous double use of the word "useful". Over-caffeinated? Moi? Never!)

(no subject)

Well, today my book on being a parent to yourself 'cos you're an ACOA (paraphrased, obviously) arrived. It's quite compelling reading, but somehow I feel like I'm cheating or making a fuss about nothing. I wasn't beaten or sexually abused... it all doesn't seem that serious, as I'm pretty much functioning normally. But there was a lot of physical violence between my parents, a lot of shouting and smashing and forcing people to take sides. People I'm very close to are shocked if I open up about it, and where would I be if I hadn't walked away 18 months ago? Dead or ill with a stomach ulcer says my boyfriend, but I'm not sure. Anyway, I can read more of the book and think about things some more. I'm just being contemplative 'cos I feel like a bit of a whinger :/


One thing that I've been thinking about, and had a revelation on is my eternal struggle with wearing masks, or adopting persona. I've always thought that this was a bad thing TM, and although admiring that ability in others, I've always thought it important to be genuine to myself. I had a recent moment of synchronicity with a post from a friend on a similar subject, which made me think, "hang on a minute". Perhaps this super-helpful, emotionally engaged Hannah is just my mask? I have the right to be flippant, hedonistic, self-centred and even detached should the occasion call for it, but I never show those aspects of my personality. It's always happy, helpful Hannah, or heavily depressed Hannah with a lucky chosen few ;) So from now on, I claim the right to fill up all the spectrum between these extremes...


I got a bunch of stuff done on my to-do list, except for buying frames and writing web pages. In some ways, I'm proud of not buying frames - the car park at Ikea was heaving and I knew the store would be stressful, so I made a calm and rational decision to go back to work and catch up on some personal mail. I'm also very proud of being open with my brother about my feelings surrounding my dad's death. Even 10 weeks later we've never really talked about it, and packing feelings away isn't good IMO. I'm also proud for having a good and productive day at work, and doing some exercise :)

On that positive note, I'm going to quit my ramblings :)