the heretic genetic algorithm

The garden was going great til the sun blasted it to brown twiggy dust. I mostly refuse to water things. Before they died from this straight-edge horticultural policy, the smoke bush and acanthus both flowered for the first time this year, which made me proud. The allotment has started yielding actual edible food. And the gardening business has got to the stage now where I'm actually starting to be glad when prospective clients *don't* phone, as it takes a while to fit them in. That'll hopefully change when the B-boy gets settled at nursery and I establish a regular gardening day.

Talking of nursery, they're kind of sketchy. I'm not sure if all nursery schools would piss me off by default, or whether it was a mistake plumping for the Steiner option, but they're rubbish at sorting things out. We'll see how it pans out. We've not even addressed the issue of the consent form that allows them to dose the child with homeopathic Arnica if he falls over or experiences "other shock". If you google Ben Goldacre, you'll find out why I can't be arsed with homeopathy, but in a SFW package. More importantly, experiencing the odd physical setback is part of life's rich tapestry IMO, and I'm not keen on the sprog being educated into taking medicine every time he falls on his bum. The plus points are breadmaking, stonking outdoor walks in dried up bullrush ponds, and carpentry for toddlers :)

I like to start a break with a bit of a tidy up. Especially when that gets rid of the mountain of bits of paper that have been obscuring my desk at home for weeks now. I've improved the layout of my room - there's a new bookcase to give some nursery space, and my dad's set of shelves is now on my desk, which I'm really pleased with.

Other than that, from now on I'm limited to one useful chore around the house per day. The only exception to that is anything to do with plants or photos - I can do as much as I want there as they're both relaxing and sadly neglected right now. It'll be good to catch up.

Basically, I don't have to go back to work until the 23rd. Woot!

One thing - I want to get myself a cheap printer. Colour would be nice, along with low running costs (although I'm not going to print much). The crunch is that it needs to work with Linux (specifically Ubuntu). This is the sort of thing I hate organising with Linux, so if anyone knows one that will work...

We had our first ante-natal class yesterday. Along with the expectant couple from hell - they've had sickness, diabetes, waters breaking, separating pubis, wrong shaped coccyx, and the local nappy scheme didn't cover the expensive american nappies they'd had their eye on ;) Seriously, I've been blessed with an easy pregnancy, and I really do have sympathy for them. But some people just seem to be disaster areas that you can spot coming...

My mum's still ensconced in hospital. Which is great, because as she's now one week clear of any vodka consumption, she's actually reasonably pleasant company. Physically she's knackered - she can't even sit up of her own accord. If I were more religious, I would say that that sort of alcoholism is a demon possession - it sucks you dry of everything, then just re-animates you into a vicious banshee. Here's hoping it'll last a couple of months. Wouldn't it be great if she were sober for the birth of her first grandchild?*

* I know that this is probably hideously unrealistic, but it doesn't seem to help anything much to assume the worst is going to happen, so I'm just going to hope for the best

Today started out like shite. Everything made me panic, I couldn't even cope with work, and was in a major stress overload.

Probably due to setting boundaries with my family over the weekend. That always makes me feel like a heel, and boy! do they like to push against them. All I asked for is one measly shopping trip a month and some financial responsibility, and you'd have thought the sky was falling in.

I dug my allotment on Sunday, after a 12 hour sleep-athon. I also did a couple of quotes for business stuff that may drag me in a cool 600 quid. I charge too little for my time, I decided. I did my cashflow analysis for my business plan tonight, along with other small administrative sundries. I feel more cheerful for clearing that, plus the mountain of "real" paid work is starting to erode.

My new lodger is lovely. She left the house so tidy at the weekend that I only knew she'd been there because the house was slightly more tidy than I left it. And she bought us a bottle of wine for later in the week. And we watched TV together.

My big mental challenge at the moment, when I'm not asking my family to act half reasonable, is to balance living in the moment with productivity and planning. How do you reconcile the two? I'm a natural planner. I'm tidy and organised. But how does that not directly contravene my resolution to enjoy the here and now?

I have two mornings off this week. Tomorrow I cycle and swim (today I did a km), and plant some seeds. Thursday, visiting an aunt and doing more allotment.

But now, to bed. Perchance not to dream, as I had a git of a dream last night where my childhood house burned down, everyone died, and then my ex told me just how happy and good everything was with his new bit of crumpet.

Thanks, subconcious.