Previous post continued...

... Actually, I also quite fancy owning a bookshop. There's a thin line between myself and Bernard Black, which would only take a little more exposure to the general public to kick me over. I worked in my dad's shop for a while, and while there are some wonderful people out there, there are also a bunch of ass-hats.

Retail probably ain't for me. But I do like the idea of having my own business. Selling books would be good - hopefully I'd save enough money not buying books that I'd almost have a wage already, by default.

And I make my living with the mathematics of funding!

I met a man once who was leaving his bookshop in Lyme Regis to become a priest. Which just goes to prove that everyone has a different idea of holy communion :)

(no subject)

( Boglin's meme )

Milton Keynes - Satan's layby

Sinusoidal day. Started off excellent - trundling up the A46 on a bright sunny day, scampi fries on the passenger seat, Eels on the CD player. "Daisies of the Galaxy" is a damn fine album. I'd sidelined it as "OK", but it really is the perfect album to play on the car on a sunny day.

Possibly should be tried one day with company.

"Jeannie's Diary", "Flyswatter" and "I like Birds" are hitting the spot right now. Particularly the latter, which I may well adopt as my new anthem.

Anyway, all going well until I actually get to see my grandpa. Now, don't get me wrong - I love him dearly (they looked after me for a while) and he was pleased to see me. But he's still so sad about my dad, and I don't know what to say to that. I really don't :( And my family have the knack of pushing my guilt buttons - I remembered just how different things might have been if I'd somehow "tried harder", "been better", "gone that extra mile".

Blah. Nosedive into paranoia and depression. Not only have I fucked up everything in the past twenty years, I tell myself, but look at the balls-up I'm making of my life right now! Which is odd, because a couple of hours before, I really was quite happy and guilt-free.

Arse. I guess I just always feel too responsible for everyone's happiness. And trying to intuit the fix-all for a dysfunctional family's problems is like carrying water in a sieve. And how self-important is that, anyway, to think you can make people happy?

Tangled. Must work on resolving.

Perked up after going to see Bill Bailey, though. Love musical comedians, with their keyboards and satirical songs. 80s hits on the banjo was a high-point, along with the pisstakes of U2 and Chris de Burgh. And the mental image of Marilyn Manson, on his knees. Chanting "Milton Keynes" to whip up the audience, in case that first bit wasn't enough :)

Chill has been restored.