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Small joys
May. 19th, 2021 05:01 pmI've recently been getting back into my computer gaming (although I've lapsed a bit for mental health reasons just now). I love them, and there may be posts on that. I think basically I'm coming back into myself plus there have been two games I have really gelled with.
Disco Elysium is the best, I think. Cyberpunk 2077 is the other one. In Disco Elysium, you can pass time by reading books. This is probably the only admirable thing about an otherwise seedy character. Hence the mental health break. Or one of the reasons.
This reminded me of a trip I made to Aberdeen, along with a memory on Facebook of a map I'd drawn as part of the trip. I muddled up my coach times and ended up stranded overnight in Aberdeen coach station with only a copy of Alan Moore's Jerusalem to keep me company. Which it did. I am so very lucky in that small things keep me happy. I've led a good and rich life full of parochial pleasures, rather than grandiose trips and schemes.
I've also realised that my life has been cramped by various things beyond my control. Some of them are in my control, or move into my sphere of control. One thing I'm taking control of is my mental health. I'm applying for an autism assessment. The toll of just not fitting in has become far too great for me to carry on paying. I'm not an addict, but I self medicate to assuage the pain of being me. And I medicate with crap decisions and crazy relationships to avoid looking at that pain. And now I'm nearly 50, I want to deal with that.
Disco Elysium is the best, I think. Cyberpunk 2077 is the other one. In Disco Elysium, you can pass time by reading books. This is probably the only admirable thing about an otherwise seedy character. Hence the mental health break. Or one of the reasons.
This reminded me of a trip I made to Aberdeen, along with a memory on Facebook of a map I'd drawn as part of the trip. I muddled up my coach times and ended up stranded overnight in Aberdeen coach station with only a copy of Alan Moore's Jerusalem to keep me company. Which it did. I am so very lucky in that small things keep me happy. I've led a good and rich life full of parochial pleasures, rather than grandiose trips and schemes.
I've also realised that my life has been cramped by various things beyond my control. Some of them are in my control, or move into my sphere of control. One thing I'm taking control of is my mental health. I'm applying for an autism assessment. The toll of just not fitting in has become far too great for me to carry on paying. I'm not an addict, but I self medicate to assuage the pain of being me. And I medicate with crap decisions and crazy relationships to avoid looking at that pain. And now I'm nearly 50, I want to deal with that.
