Long rambly update

[cybermule]

Soooo... what's what in the stable?

Well, firstly, thanks to all the people who expressed sympathy for my fragile mental state in my last post. Sympathy is nice, however little I'm angling for it. Mostly those posts are just there to try and galvanise me into sorting my life out, but the sympathy and understanding is nice.

I think since last Wednesday, both the physical and the mental health have been out of whack. Saw ex on Wednesday, on a work trip to Exeter, which always annoys me. I have no idea why it does, but it always stresses me out. Enough to have not slept at all on Wednesday night, and to therefore be ill on Thursday.

So I think that's enough seeing my ex. There are actually a lot of concrete reasons why he stresses me, but going into them here is just whinging.

Enough ex already.

So, Thursday morning was a write-off due to lack of sleep. I did a little work on Thursday afternoon, but felt utterly nauseous and pretty much gave up, except to go to my final women's group in the evening. That felt weird. It'll be the last one until September. Maybe forever. We'll see how it goes - the plan is to go to ACOA instead.

Staggered into work on Friday, then staggered off home again sick, and had a couple of hours sleep. Went out with my brother and Em on Friday eveing, to Zero Degrees and a few other pubs. Had a good eveing, although the food may have been dodgy as we all ended up sick by the end of the evening.

Spent Saturday slacking, and playing Black and White on 0c0tpus' new laptop. Forgot how good that game was. Went walking on Sunday with my friend Lou. Ate so much roast dinner, my stomach hurt. Although, bear in mind that I hadn't really eaten anything to speak of since Wednesday evening due to intense barfiness.

Appetite's returned, though. Hopefully, I can run tonight. Tried last night, and it was a disaster, as I was nearly sick. I'd upped the running cycle to two minutes on, two minutes off, and it hurt too much.

So really, I have to address the issue of what keeps making me sick. It's not funny any more, and I can't totally blame my ex. I blame work quite a lot. I've got to really hate it - every time my self-esteem crawls up above the normal minimum, somebody at work kicks it back down again.

I'm not interested, and I don't feel appreciated or valued. So I need a good hard think through all my options.

Luckily, I'm going to have plenty of chance to do that, with a six day weekend coming up. I'm going on a big walk on Castlemorton Common on Thursday. Pub lunch, maybe a stroll up the Malverns. Followed by a weekend in my own house, doing all those DIY odds and ends that stress me out in the wee small hours. And lots of walking and swimming and playing of games.

Then another weekend away doing healthy stuff. Then a weekend in North Wales. Woohoo. And I've booked plenty of days off.

So plenty of quiet healthy living, and thinking.

Comments

[ninneviane.livejournal.com]

I wonder if it is the X making you feel sick - my X (not R) made me sick - just the stress of being with him when he was being a certain way used to make me sick for hours - funny how it's never really happened since 'cept for when I've been in similar situations. Stress of a certain type goes straight to my stomach.

Sounds like you've got some important R&R time in - I must get round to planning some in - something to aim for :)
Talking of which, don't know if you would be interested but Rob and I are heading down to Glastonbury for the day for Beltaine (Sun 30th April) - probably just going to do the usual, look round the abbey, climb the Tor, that kind of thing - you busy?

(goes off to look for the fragile mental state post I missed)

[d-ph4ze.livejournal.com]

Black & White r0x0rs!!1 I'll add that to my list of downloads - got two episodes of Family Guy on at the moment :) Where in Wales are you going? I'll probably be around Anglesey or snowdon from midweek until about saturday so let me know if you have some time to kill.

[cybermule.livejournal.com]

Coincidentally, that's where I am, meeting that friend I'd occasionally meet in Birmingham a few years back :) Might give you a text.

[cybermule.livejournal.com]

I'm pretty sure he does make me sick - I was hoping the stress would stop when I actually left him. Bah. Anyway, a point to note is that it needs to be fixed.

And I'm sorry, hun, cos I'd love to see you, but I'm away that weekend. I'll let you know if it falls through, though, cos Glastonbury also sounds fun.

[ninneviane.livejournal.com]

We're not sure if we're going now :( depends on whether we can borrow S's car for the day - double :(

Next time I see you, we should have a look at our diaries again and see if we can pen in some days out maybe?

[cybermule.livejournal.com]

Days out are good. I think I'm stopping by the week after next, but I'll be mailing R on that when my head stops spinning. We can scribble some stuff in - lots of walking and ancient ruuins :)

[ninneviane.livejournal.com]

**whoohoo**

What date are you coming up hun? R did tell me but I've forgotten!