And I think my head is burning and in a way I'm yearning to be done with all this measuring of truth

[cybermule]

Always wanted to use that lyric as a blog title.

Anyhoo, the second notable thing I did today was set fire to my fringe via our explosive grill. Cue much helpful pointing out of the fact from my husband, many tears from the toddler (mostly because he was two inches behind me just as I leapt back), and a square inch of frizzled scalp. Luckily it doesn't show too badly. I'd like to pretend I didn't care about my looks, but going around looking like I've lost my way back to Silent Hill is a bit much even for my flagrant disregard of the external.

The first thing I did was decide to hand my resignation in at the garden centre. Lots of reasons: more time with the offspring, a nagging feeling of guilt fed by my aunt's horror that I make my husband drop the child off ONCE A FORTNIGHT OMG!!!!, and the general difficulty of scheduling a fixed day of week with two busy babysitters and an absent-minded busy executive.

Only the first of those has any great bearing, but the combination makes me think there's more pain than gain in it at the moment. On a personal level, I'm not bitter. I'm struggling to deal with the loss of a big part of my identity and self-esteem tied up in holding down a steady job, but that's not all bad. Other things will happen. On a global scale, I wonder if it's this difficult for me, how hard must it be for other mothers with more pressing financial needs and less family support? The world sucks.

Comments

[ninneviane.livejournal.com]

Cue much helpful pointing out of the fact from my husband
I love the way that sounds...husband :)

You didn't burn yourself as well did you? :/

my aunt's horror that I make my husband drop the child off ONCE A FORTNIGHT OMG!
What the problem - is the dropping off or the husband doing it, and in any event, why????

I'm struggling to deal with the loss of a big part of my identity and self-esteem tied up in holding down a steady job,
I can understand that completely. I'm feeling it more and more - I really feel like I need to have a job/career and I'm only part person without it. I've never really felt quite like that before in this area. I don't feel properly grown up. In fact I've notice this has got worse since signing up on Facebook.

[cybermule.livejournal.com]

I burned a little scalp, but not seriously. I think my aunt is stuck in the 50s, mixed with a drop of martyrdom to spice it up. She's horrified that I don't do everything for D - I allow him to COOK, look after Ben, and all sorts of scandalous slatternly things :) I also think she's trying to compensate for the fact that her bloke is IMO a lazy get.

*nods* to career thing. Facebook makes it bad because people skew it to portray the absolute best of their lives, hon. I think having three lovely kids makes you both complete and grown up :) But I also understand what you're saying because I think we're under pressure to do it all, babe.

[ninneviane.livejournal.com]

We are indeed...and yes you're right re. facebook.

Glad the scalp isn't too frazzled though I am still wincing as I think about it :)

I was going to ask which aunt, but the last line gave me my answer ;)

[cybermule.livejournal.com]

Yeah - other aunt thinks it's great that modern men take so much interest in the kids :)

[ninneviane.livejournal.com]

That totally figures :)