mini epiphanies

[cybermule]

I'm going to start to chill out a bit from now on. I've been over-scheduling myself through fear of boredom, coping through morbid fear of not coping and bending over backwards to avoid criticism or accusations of neglect from people that I don't really care about. It's OK that I did that - I've had a bad year to get through. Maybe this hasn't been the best way of getting me through it, but I have got through something that I never thought I could handle.

And I should be proud of that, and reward myself with some fun, some freedom to roam, both physically and intellectually. I'm going to become less OCD, and trust myself to cope when I need to and remember what I want to. Besides, two unrelated people have now called me Leonard. As in Memento Leonard. So it's time to spring out and trust myself and make a few mistakes.

I'm also going to be nicer to people. Like, ordinary people, the ones that just piss me off and I rant about it. Some of it is just people being morons, the rest is my displacing anger and frustration onto the people around me. So I definitely need to work on that too - establishing some boundaries so that I no longer instinctly mistrust people.

As usual, after giving myself such a revelation, I feel that it is obvious. By like an inspirational "someone" mentioned recently, when you know and accept yourself, paradoxically you can begin to change ;P And that is far easier said than done, but I'm going to work on it. And I think I'm going to start on getting to know and accept the happier and more relaxed me :) I don't really know her at all.

I'm off for a walk, before some other hyperventilating planning manager phones me up...

Comments

[kidkarrot.livejournal.com]

Why are people calling you Leonard? That's like me calling fyatuk Sylvia. :)

[fyatuk.livejournal.com]

Hey now! You know I prefer Sylvie. Sylvia just sounds too snooty sometimes.

[aras-55555.livejournal.com]

I agree...you *deserve* to chill out :D

[cybermule.livejournal.com]

Oh whoops - I meant to explain that, but ran out of typing energy. Leonard's the guy in the film Memento who has no short term memory, so spends all his time writing things down.

[cybermule.livejournal.com]

Thanks, Aras - it's nice to be told that :) And thanks for your bits of inspiration recently. I think I just realised how defensive and over-scheduled I was being with my life. Which was fine to get me through the past 10 months - maybe not the best of coping mechanisms, but it got me through. But now that's such a draining way to live my life, so I guess I need to change. Heh - and to take a holiday :)

[unsane1.livejournal.com]

=]

(nothing to add really :)

[cybermule.livejournal.com]

That's OK - sometimes one '=]' is worth a thousand words, so thank you =]

[zleetle.livejournal.com]

yay for the holiday!!

I feel bad now - reading your posts makes ME happy and relaxed! I think you should save some of that goodness for yourself :)

[cybermule.livejournal.com]

I feel bad now - reading your posts makes ME happy and relaxed

LOL - I can tell you haven't been on my friends list long ;) Thanks - it's nice to know that some of my posts have a good effect on other people :)