(no subject)

[cybermule]

I just had a thought - if anyone wants any entries locked so that they can comment more freely, then let me know. I've just come to the conclusion that there is nothing about my life that is secret or shameful, but not everyone has the my inclination to splurge :)

I noticed that I care a whole lot more about people when I'm less stressed, and I'm slowly knocking the stress on the head. More sleep helps, along with a general lightening of attitude. Yesterday I was nice to two people. I gave them random and impulsive sweet gifts. I'm not saying that so that you all pat me on the back for being a nice person, but I did want to make a note of the pleasure I get out of doing impulsive nice things for people I like. It's fun. And the fact that I have time to do it means that I must be less stressed.


I did an online enneagram test. I've posted it here because I feel the results actually say something about me that's relevant to this post on my moods and behaviour. Other than that, I probably wouldn't post many more personality tests, as I'm not really sure of their relevance to me any more.

...

Oh OK - screw that. I didn't paste the results anywhere and I refuse to do the test again. The short point was that I seem to have veered away from the 4w5 that I normally score, and got a 9w1. So more calm and peace-loving and serene. Which suits me just fine. The other interesting point was my sub-concious type. Which I can't remember the exact term for, but it was very neutral and implied I was hard to get to know very well at all.

Readers of my blurto-journal are probably sniggering at this point :)

The main message I took home was that this openess and ability to communicate thoughts and feelings online, in text, is something I find hard to carry over to real life. Why? Good question... The main answer is that I never really meet anyone that I can talk to in real-life. Even when I do, I find it hard to open up. I have major trust issues, I'm always convinced that they're secretly laughing at me or will use any information against me.

OK, I know there's a word for that. Paranoid :)

But I really think I should get over it. Not because I feel a sudden urge to share myself, willy-nilly, with those around me. More so that I can build some meaningful relationships with the people I care about. So right back to the Cybermule Manifesto, really.

Any ideas?

Comments

[unsane1.livejournal.com]

In which case, I'm happy to stare them in the eye and tell them that this is me, warts and all, and they should appreciate the damn fine job I do with all this shit going on in the background :)


LOL. I guess that won't ever happen since they wouldn't recognize you. They'd read your journal and never think twice that it was Han in the office right next door lol.

[cybermule.livejournal.com]

Heheh - very likely not. Although nobody at work would presume to call me Han :P Well, one does, but he's on my death-list anyway ;)

[unsane1.livejournal.com]

LOL does that put me on the death list then? O_O

[cybermule.livejournal.com]

Nah - you're OK. You could probably get away with it, now I've known you a couple of years. I was thinking about this thread in the pool, actually, and I don't think that many people from would would recgnise me through this. It's easier to be opinionated in your journal :) Plus there are only 3 or 4 people at work who know me at all well.

You know, I still haven't seen you online.

[unsane1.livejournal.com]

You know, I still haven't seen you online.


LOL something isn't working right. I've been on all afternoon, while you sent this message. And now I look on your info page and it shows you to be online, and yet in my IM program it shows you aren't logged on, and says you are offline if I send you a message.

[cybermule.livejournal.com]

That's fucked up - I'm sitting here right now, and I can't see you.

Grrr.

That would probably explain why we never meet up and chat :P What IM program are you running? I got the Yahoo one, but on Linux. I can install something else though, cos I'm no big fan of YM.

[unsane1.livejournal.com]

I use Trillian (windows program), presently connected to ICQ, MSN :(, and YIM.

[cybermule.livejournal.com]

'K - where are you on ICQ? Oh man, is this convoluted! ;)