Jan. 2nd, 2022

cybermule: (Default)
Christmas and New Year were pleasant enough, with a side serving of annoying triggered. But I am enjoying these few quiet days before the whirligig of school and work restart.

It's the first proper peace I think I've had for years. Someone has always been bothering me for stuff. I mean, my kid still bothers me for stuff but we have a quiet routine of doing stuff on our own, getting together for some sort of project or adventure, regular box set consumption, and exchanging a string of memes on Facebook Messenger.

Despite being an old fart, I have reasonably good meme game.

I loved homeschooling, even though it was also fucking horrific. But now I really love her going back to school and being happy, and me being able to pace myself and my spoons around that. I finally have the space to sit and listen to what's actually going on in the hectic frantic cloud machine of my head.

What do I want to do? What do I need to do?

I think I'm sliding into a low pressure kind of work hard play hard thing. And I need a lot of my own space of my own choosing with my own silence. I have a couple of nights away booked next weekend, on my own. I feel nervous at what that might uncover in me, but also thirsty for the break.

The next week will be trying to keep this internal peace while adding extra spinning plates.

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