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...

Knackered. The short story is that since there's been a change in class structure at school, B has been in and out like a yo yo. For people that don't know he has ADHD and probable SPD and goes to a special school in North Bristol. Currently he is having regular meltdowns, punching people and getting excluded. He's in the wrong, totally, but he's10 and he has special needs so it's more complicated than that.

This is obviously having a knock on effect on my mental health and my work. You *think* you're doing the right thing being a working mum home owner, don't you? But there you go. Basically I'm stressed. I'm scared they'll just sack me. I may have no basis for that but things aren't good here and we're reaching crisis point.

The obvious solution is medication. I could do with a chemical holiday. And it will presumably prove to people that this is really shit. Because you have to take drugs to be really ill, don't you? Yes, I am that fucking bitter and cynical. But not enough to medicate Ben for their convenience. They can suck my non existent balls on that one.

Also obviously I need to go into the school and point out to them that this is bullshit. They're basically giving a kid scared of school a few free days off every time he expresses his fear. Pfft to that.

I think what I am going to do is think outside the box. I need to be able to work. That's best for me and for Ben. How do I make work work? Different job? More ad hoc support including professional childcare? If push comes to shove, I want to be able to pull him out of school and still carry on - how do I do that? Because right now that seems the safe and stable solution for my crew.

I'm not going to apologise for the unfiltered brain dump but thanks for reading :-)

...

Not much to add to that cut and paste except a book recommendation and an alt-school recommendation.

The explosive child
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Explosive-Child-Understanding-Frustrated-Chronically/

Alt-school
http://www.thegardenbristol.org/

Updated: Draft email to the school

Subject - Ben Wood, recent exclusions.
Copied to - Ms Bending, Jane, Mr Lee

Dear Tanya,

I'm mailing you as Ben has recently spent a lot of time out of school on exclusions and I believe that this may be the start of an unpleasant downward spiral for him. I would like us all to have chance to sit down and scope out alternatives, both in behaviour management and in school provision, so that we can hopefully nip it in the bud. I've copied in Ben's Dad as well as his closest teaching staff at Courtney Road.

I was really pleased with Ben by the end of term one - he seemed to have organised his behaviour and settled into year 6 happily. After that things have deteriorated to the point that this week he was in school less than he was at home with me. There seem to have been two incidents leading to this over the past week, both involving situations where Ben was either being hit or play fighting with another student, has lost his temper and then been excluded for punching staff members.

There's probably a lot more detail to it. And I'm aware that Ben is at fault, has his own part to play, and is no sort of angel. However, I also know my child is scared of school and anxious to the point of regressive behaviour, and I suspect that the change in Hawthorn Class structure has a significant part to play in this. So that's my first concern. My second concern is that I've seen this downward trajectory before, just before Ben left Tyndale - he would lash out, he'd be excluded, he became more and more withdrawn and stressed in his home behaviours. And so on until that placement broke down and he moved to New Horizons.

Obviously I want to avoid repeating this experience. It's having a bad effect on Ben, and it will end up damaging the family unit as a whole. I can't imagine it's a good educational experience from the point of view of New Horizons either. So could we find a time when we could all meet together and discuss other options for Ben - I would like to focus first on behaviour and discipline before more serious alternatives.

Best wishes,

Hannah / Ben's Mum

October 2023

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