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Jan. 12th, 2004 01:37 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cybermuleSpent all last night dreaming that I had to clear out my parents old place. Horrible on a number of levels.
Firstly, their moving just unsettled me cos I'd always lived in the same place as a kid. Secondly, my dad was having some kind of nervous breakdown when they moved and basically just threw pretty much everything away. Thirdly, this would have been the first time they threw anything away, so my dream consisted of having to box up about 25 years of total junk :p
I actually had some control in my dream - I was walking around from room to room deciding what to pick up and pack. But I had to work really fast. I guess this just comes from mild "mum moving stress". Bleh. The whole thing kind of made me depressed to be honest. I was talking to my brother about it the other day, as he'd recently dreamt about my dad and got depressed because he woke up and none of it was real. It's the worst feeling I've ever had I think - like a kind of sickness to the stomach, and every time I have one of these dreams I can't eat the next day :(
I used to get the same feeling when I was a kid, but the dreams were the other way around - people had died, and I felt crap when I woke up because I thought it was real. Now I feel crap when I wake up after thinking they hadn't died. I guess I used to worry about losing people excessively when I was a kid... still do. It's tied up with material stuff as well - I get intense sentimental attachment to things. Although when it comes to the crunch, things don't mean anything at all.
Weird... I'd love to know more about how my brain works.
Firstly, their moving just unsettled me cos I'd always lived in the same place as a kid. Secondly, my dad was having some kind of nervous breakdown when they moved and basically just threw pretty much everything away. Thirdly, this would have been the first time they threw anything away, so my dream consisted of having to box up about 25 years of total junk :p
I actually had some control in my dream - I was walking around from room to room deciding what to pick up and pack. But I had to work really fast. I guess this just comes from mild "mum moving stress". Bleh. The whole thing kind of made me depressed to be honest. I was talking to my brother about it the other day, as he'd recently dreamt about my dad and got depressed because he woke up and none of it was real. It's the worst feeling I've ever had I think - like a kind of sickness to the stomach, and every time I have one of these dreams I can't eat the next day :(
I used to get the same feeling when I was a kid, but the dreams were the other way around - people had died, and I felt crap when I woke up because I thought it was real. Now I feel crap when I wake up after thinking they hadn't died. I guess I used to worry about losing people excessively when I was a kid... still do. It's tied up with material stuff as well - I get intense sentimental attachment to things. Although when it comes to the crunch, things don't mean anything at all.
Weird... I'd love to know more about how my brain works.
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Date: 2004-01-12 07:15 pm (UTC)Hah. I'm always accuse of being pessimistic by my nearest and dearest. You're right - the situations are opposite, and do really have the opposite emotional reaction. In one case I feel depression when I wake up fully, and in the other case relief. I was muddled in that what I meant to say was that the momentary feeling was the same - a split second of gut-wrenching confusion. I was trying to tie together a bunch of thoughts on loss, people and my love/hate relationship with possessions, and got a bit confuzzled in the process!
Unfortunately, I am just a bit of a gloomy fucker. The emotions I get from dreaming tend to stick with me and colour my day. And when I was a kid, I used to get incrediby depressed and panicked by the idea of people close to me dying - illogical, I know, but after the dreams I would worry for weeks. In some ways, losing dad has been a huge challenge and victory - if you'd asked me a year ago, I would swear that I could never have born it. But then that makes me feel kinda guilty somehow.
*shrugs* right now I'm a sick insomniac... I'll leave the deeper analysis until the morning :)
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Date: 2004-01-12 09:29 pm (UTC)Yeah, I get that too. Which can be nice if it's a warm'n'fuzzy dream. But not so good if it's confusing (I don't usually get straight 'nightmares', but the confusing and uncomfortable ones have a similar effect).
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Date: 2004-01-13 04:00 am (UTC)