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cybermuleThe last entry showed me so very very sad. And I still am. I got fucked over, badly. By somebody who was continually telling me how they weren't fucking me over, so I drowned the lack of trust they always pinned on me and carried on being vulnerable, humble and open to change until it was obvious, even to me, that it was pretty literally killing me.
Here is an interesting article on autism that is linked to this excessive drive to empathise and try to heal others.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S8Nb2FDmQo4
I mean, yes. Not fucking over someone you love is something that shouldn't need saying, and I was right to be suspicious that it was being said. With the benefit of hindsight, there were a lot of things I was told about myself, like the lack of trust, that were basically set-ups so that I could be used as an emotional battery right up to the point I had no more charge, then discarded.
That's what hurts - I was watching the Arethra film last night, and her (admittedly shitty) husband says that he wants her to help him fight his demons. And I thought that was the deal with partners. Not holding a practical strangers hand and loving them when they're unlovable and scared, then being dropped as an inconvenience.
Because that's how you fuck someone over. You keep draining them right until they have nothing to give, or you find a better source. Then you walk away.
Here is an interesting article on autism that is linked to this excessive drive to empathise and try to heal others.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S8Nb2FDmQo4
I mean, yes. Not fucking over someone you love is something that shouldn't need saying, and I was right to be suspicious that it was being said. With the benefit of hindsight, there were a lot of things I was told about myself, like the lack of trust, that were basically set-ups so that I could be used as an emotional battery right up to the point I had no more charge, then discarded.
That's what hurts - I was watching the Arethra film last night, and her (admittedly shitty) husband says that he wants her to help him fight his demons. And I thought that was the deal with partners. Not holding a practical strangers hand and loving them when they're unlovable and scared, then being dropped as an inconvenience.
Because that's how you fuck someone over. You keep draining them right until they have nothing to give, or you find a better source. Then you walk away.
