time for a little psychological tinkering...

[cybermule]

I think I'm a bit burned out at the moment. Symptoms include irritability, wild swings between extremes of sociability, depression, insomnia and the tendency to self-apply the phrase "emotionally fucked". I've at least got to the stage in life where I know that this is temporary, that it'll pass on to more relaxed times. But I'm going to have a satb at analysing some sort of long-term improvement.

Firstly, the problems. The overarching crisis is a perceived lack of time, direction and control. The most tangible sub-problem is that I have to work for an exam. This is really a false idol: I don't have to do that well, I'm OK with the work and it'll all be over in a couple of weeks. The friction is with the second sub-problem: my mother. She's doing my head in at the moment, and I feel pressured into sorting a lot of things out for her - writing letters, sorting out finances, making phonecalls. Therefore, there's a conflict of time availability. One solution is to just acknowledge the fact that my mother can wait for two weeks. That's logical, but emotionally difficult, so I feel a lack of control over my own life.

Underlying the sharp emotional problems caused by my mother and my unsociable/irritable tendencies right now, I'm starting to realise that there is still a dull ache that I call "missing dad" :( I keep expecting this to be over, but in some ways it gets worse as I get more mellow and fond memories flooding back. I guess 5 months isn't very long, but then there's this grate between having to be "publically" over something (shockingly quick, IMO!) and not really dealing with it much at all privately. And grumbly rumblings from my family just exacerbate this - I just want to tell them all to please shut up and behave!

This combined stress is enough to cause me sleeping difficulties. Here I get myself into a vicious caffeinated circle. It's not a big sin, but I tend to self-medicate to get through work because I'm tired. Therefore increasing my natural tendencies to worry, undereat and not sleep. *sighs*. So I have a "chicken and egg" solution to caffeine and stress. I'll use my days off to wind down, not drink as much coffee, and prioritise things a bit better. As a long-term solution, I've just signed up for a meditation workshop, which may also give me a bit more direction in life. I flinch from using the word "spirituality", but I nonetheless find it lacing in my life right now.

Some useful (and hopefully concrete) solutions:

(1) Remember that keeping myself together is my first priority, and to do that, I must make myself my first priority.
(2) Failing my exam would depress me, but I should not feel the need to excel - it was supposed to be fun ;)
(3) If I relax (and drink less coffee), work will take care of itself. I've done it for years, and I also have some extenuating circumstances which means I don't have to be super-analyst.
(4) Spend as much time as possible chilling out, and try not to be so extraverted :P Look forward to all the relaxing fun after the exam is over.

OK - that was boring but therapeutic ;)

Comments

[unsane1.livejournal.com]

I keep expecting this to be over


I'm no expert... but if you are soliciting opinions (if not, just ignore all this), I'd say just go with it, don't analyze it all... there's no official length of time to "get over" stuff. No need for _logical_ deadlines and such. Forget what others think/expect, and just deal with things naturally, subconsciously.


Here I get myself into a vicious caffeinated circle.


hmm yah, damn caffeine. when I was working a corporate job, I found myself drinking several coffees daily as a routine. as soon as I felt the least bit tired I'd get one. Everyone else did it and it was hard to resist. Nowadays I have trouble imagining why I felt I needed it. I guess I was genuinely tired, but I doubt the coffee was truly necessary. More of a routine than anything, and I so loved the taste of choco-coffee. I'm glad to be rid of it entirely.


Some useful (and hopefully concrete) solutions:


I wish I was able to so easily analyze everything... You boil everything down to a simple list which can be re-read anytime, to re-direct everything properly and easily. :)

[cybermule.livejournal.com]

Forget what others think/expect, and just deal with things naturally, subconsciously

Thanks :) I keep trying to ostensibly "handle" it, and analyzing how I'm doing. I think your advice is good - I should just go with the flow more. That would possibly help my sociability levels too: I've become all self-conscious and avoidant around people.

I'm glad to be rid of it entirely.

You're caffeine-free? !CONCEPT!

I wish I was able to so easily analyze everything

Heh - thanks. It never seems that easy - I tend to dwell things before exposing them, and I'm only good at analysing short-term solutions. Otherwise there are too many possibilities. I get boggled playing chess, let alone life :)

[unsane1.livejournal.com]

You're caffeine-free? !CONCEPT!


hehehe. well, I must say I probly have, on average, a can of soda every few weeks, and a coffee every couple months. ;) it's so rare that I hardly notice it.

i was glad i was easily able to rid myself of what is supposedly such a highly addictive substance. i suppose the change of environment helped. had i still been working in the office, it may not have been nearly so easy.

as for sodas, i just found it too acidy or whatever, it just didn't agree with my stomach anymore at some point. i quit that years ago, way before coffee. i watch how everyone just guzzles the cokes and stuff and it's mind-boggling. i suppose it's a good indication of how coca-cola mastered the art of advertising seemingly decades before any other company. i recently saw a black and white pic of an old town from like 1910, and there was a _huge_ coca-cola sign in the background. i couldn't help but laugh (cry).

[cybermule.livejournal.com]

as for sodas, i just found it too acidy or whatever, it just didn't agree with my stomach anymore at some point

Yeah - I've got similar issues with sodas. Too much acid, plus one day I was drinking one and realised I just didn't like the flavour. Heheh. "sodas" is a funny term - we don't use that here. Seems wrong on the page.

I guess coffee is probably quite addidctive (I've got another comment of yours somewhere on that theme... one day...). I do like it though. But only good coffee - I know that I'm moving from pleasure to compulsion when I start drinking the instant stuff.

i recently saw a black and white pic of an old town from like 1910, and there was a _huge_ coca-cola sign in the background. i couldn't help but laugh (cry)

:/ I guess they probably wouldn't get away with that now. But on the other hand, the big companies seem more insidious these days. There are a few companies that really bother me - those huge sprawling behemoths that seem to have no real competition. And you wonder how many more little interests they have in unrelated areas, and just how much of the world they control *shudder*

[unsane1.livejournal.com]

"sodas" is a funny term - we don't use that here.


here either, i took an educated guess. :P i figured soda was probly the term used over in ukland. soft drink? pop? caffeinated beverage? hehe.


I guess they probably wouldn't get away with that now.


sizeof(billboards) > sizeof(1910 sign). coke machine on every block is about equivalent to that sign, albeit more subtle (and insidious). coke is beyond the point where they need to advertise. they have achieved 100% ubiquity. heh the christian missionaries would be proud. people are born into a coke-infested environment. i'm sure most kids never question it. water? haha u'r joking right? :)


those huge sprawling behemoths that seem to have no real competition


yah :( and i bet the solution is real simple: make advertising illegal.

[cybermule.livejournal.com]

soft drink? pop? caffeinated beverage? hehe.

*grins* Usually brand names - coke, 7-up, Lilt etc. Or orangeade, lemonade, blah blah. Or "pop", I guess, if I'm asking a friend a general question. What's Canadian for "carbonated drink"? :P

sizeof(billboards) > sizeof(1910 sign).

Heheh - you used a "greater than" sign. Neat. I guess I just don't see that many billboards around where I live. And yeah - my brother's only 4 years younger than me and probably hasn't drunk a glass of tap-water in his life. That reminds me of a whole new rant about ppl who'll only drink mineral water...

and i bet the solution is real simple: make advertising illegal.

Ooo - controversial. How would the world manage without advertising? We wouldn't know what we wanted to buy!

[unsane1.livejournal.com]

What's Canadian for "carbonated drink"?

it varies from person to person... most probly say soft drink, but a lot call them pop, as do i.


you used a "greater than" sign


heh, my programming roots are showing.


who'll only drink mineral water


heh, coca-cola is in on that too. :P in mexico they seem to be the largest bottled water company. in fact the large 10 (20?) litre things i saw were _always_ coca-cola.

what's the rant about? i can use any material i can get my hands on to convince people to spend less.


How would the world manage without advertising? We wouldn't know what we wanted to buy!


indeed, that statement says it all.

[cybermule.livejournal.com]

but a lot call them pop, as do i.

That's neat - Canadian English is more like English English than American, it seems.

heh, my programming roots are showing.

*grins* You should go and get them touched up :P Nah - I don't know how people manage without maths/programming symbols.

in mexico they seem to be the largest bottled water company

Heh - I never knew that. We only really get their Coke over here - mineral water is either French or our own. Although, whether those apparently unrelated companies are owned by Coca-Cola is another question. The "mineral water rant" isn't a big deal. I just get pissed off by people who'll only drink mineral water. It's expensive and costs a lot to transport, when about 80% of the world would probably sell their grandmothers for a water-supply. Even if it does have "too many chemicals" :P I think I read something somewhere about food miles and mineral water - if it ever resurfaces, I'll pass it on :) Any other subject - just ask! Always happy to provide rant-fodder...

[unsane1.livejournal.com]

Canadian English is more like English English than American, it seems.


We do use British english and not american english for the spelling and such, as well. Armour!


You should go and get them touched up :P


heh I might be doing a VB+Access (hate VB hate hate) contract soon, depends on if it sounds interesting enough.


We only really get their Coke over here


heh i'm sure you get their evian water, sprite, crush, nestea, nescafe, dr. pepper, minute maid, schweppes, fruitopia, five alive... (or maybe those are all canadian-marketed brands, and i didn't recognize all the uk-marketed ones. ;)

I was reading their list of 300 product brand names, among the most interesting:

Bimbo Break
Inca Kola
Guarana Jesus
Jolly Juice (uk? lol)
Jurassic Well
Kilimanjaro
Love Body
Master Chill
Mickey Mouse (wonder how much they paid disney for that brandname, and if disney gets royalties heh)
Nihon Alps Mori No Mizudayori
Ripe N Ready
Smart (heh bet this one sells well)
Slap (lol)
Water Salad

I also found out that it was founded in 1886 - yikes! Someone knew what they were doing before everyone else. I wonder what the oldest currently existing company is, if it isn't coca-cola.

while searching for coca-cola inc. info i came across this, funny coincidence:

"Coca-Cola unveils Britain's biggest billboard"

http://uk.biz.yahoo.com/030930/80/e9soa.html

it was put up two weeks ago, and is 30 meters wide, biggest billboard in the world, or just about. can detect people waving at it, etc. :P


food miles


hmm what's a food mile?

[cybermule.livejournal.com]

(hate VB hate hate)

Yeah - it makes my teeth hurt :(

evian water

lol - I'm a crap "conscientious consumer". I need to have actually done some consuming so that I know what I'm talking about :D Yeah - I forgot all the other soft drinks in your list. And I didn't *know* nescafe was anything to do with Coke, although I'd probably have assumed it. I didn't know the other brands, but Evian really did surprise me! I guess I've never even *looked* at an Evian bottle :)

"Coca-Cola unveils Britain's biggest billboard"

*sigh* One more reason to emigrate :/ I want to go and live somewhere where I can snack on Jolly Juice and Guarana Jesus bars :D

hmm what's a food mile?

http://www.mcspotlight.org/media/reports/foodmiles.html

[unsane1.livejournal.com]

http://www.mcspotlight.org/media/reports/foodmiles.html


hmm i'm no expert, but a lot of the arguments they give there seem to be ridiculous. i agree that it's favourable to use local produce rather than shipping everything to each other, all things being equal. but what they suggest is taxing fuel to fix the fact that people buy what's cheaper, despite whether it's local or not. i mean what's the point supporting your local country rather than another country if the cost for the same food is smaller? are they nationalists or something? the arguments about environment are the only ones that hold any ground. so basically, tax fuel to save the environment. i can live with that. but they are hiding that fact behind all kinds of bad arguments imo, such as the following:

"to say nothing of the transport of the workers in the yogurt processing plant going to and from their homes every day. And the transport of shoppers from their homes to the shops, in order to buy the yogurt.."

what, you mean ppl would suddenly stop travelling to and from work? :P and start shopping online? hehe

am i missing something or does that article indeed contain a lot of inconsistent logic?

[cybermule.livejournal.com]

am i missing something or does that article indeed contain a lot of inconsistent logic?

Heheh - OK... *blushes*... I quoted without reading properly. Their logic certainly doth suck: your quote implied that it would be better to buy non-local food off third world producers who have to walk ten miles to work than to buy off local people. Which is definitely arguing against themselves. Plus, the civilised world is entirely geared up to cars these days. I disagree with it, obviously - having made a point of always being able to sustain myself by non-car methods (although I do own a banger) I can happily say that we should tax fuel to the hilt. But then what about all those countries whose only means of earning a living is through export? All those fairtrade coffee growers are going to go down the pan in favour of first world countries who can force crops to grow nearer home.

*shakes head*

[cybermule.livejournal.com]

Egh - just posted a comment to this and LJ ate it. Arse. The short point was that I hadn't really read the article, and your quote seemed to imply that it was better to exploit countries where the workers have to walk miles to work every day and get peanuts for their efforts. There was more, but it was wibble :)

[unsane1.livejournal.com]

the post did show up...

this situation reminds me of a conversation i once had. we somehow came upon the topic of 'when you lose a long email or whatnot' u just typed up, what do u do.

i said that if that happens i get annoyed and just send a summary instead (unless it was something important or interesting).

whereas he said that when that happens it motivates him to rewrite it, and to write it even better than the initial time. intjs...

[cybermule.livejournal.com]

Eh - glad it turned up :) Glad I'm not the only person that gets annoyed with lost posts - I admire your friend, but I know that there's no way I'm ever going to rewrite and improve lost posts.

[kidkarrot.livejournal.com]

I always overanalyzed myself while growing up, so I made a conscious choice to learn how to lighten up once I got into college. Even that didn't work, so I tried after in grad school. Finally I had the chance to unwind, and I have found out that a very careful balance is what drives my train best.

I think you've already found your own balance, Hanna, maybe just temporarily misplaced it in light of your current battles. Your exam doesn't stand a chance against you. :)

[cybermule.livejournal.com]

Finally I had the chance to unwind

Ahh - I'm glad. I think only only really started to relax about life quite recently, so I sympathise with the feeling of relief.

I have found out that a very careful balance is what drives my train best

That's helpful for me too. I always feel I *ought* to make more effort, whereas I *want* something to restore balance. It helps me trust my instincts more knowing that's relatively normal ;)

Thanks, Matt :)