Blah :(

[cybermule]

I feel shite - my mood's been up and down like a yo-yo this week. I'm not prone to hormonal shifts, so I hesitate to put it down to that, but healthwise, the virus and the lack of nicotine are probably adding to my crankiness.

However, what I really think is at the bottom of it is having to deal with my family again on any involved level. I just can't handle them at all - yesterday, my mum flew off the handle at me for asking whether she wanted to take her sofa when she moves (I had to book a removal man at 10 days notice for a Saturday, so it was a pertinent question). Then she phoned my brother and told him she didn't want to move any more. Then my brother phones me and complains that the removal man is costing too much (£120 for two men to move all my mom's stuff). He cheerfully spent £75 of mum's money to move his stuff 4 miles! *shakes head*

I really was at my happiest when I had nothing to do with any of them for 15 months. That ended badly, so I guess I'm trying to over-compensate. Plus, to be honest, I don't really like either my brother or my mother much, so I try too hard to be perfect to them to make up for the fact that I really don't like them. But it's all kind of pointless, I reckon - it makes me horrible to be around, stressed and hyper and paranoid. Plus I really can't do anything right - as they've got nothing concrete to complain about, they constantly bitch to anyone who'll listen that I'm rich and spoiled :p

Blah. I just can't cope with them. I'll move my mother somewhere sensible, then I'm going to have a long break from them. And in the mean time, I'm not going to pander to them - like they do to me, if I don't want to do something, I'll just say so. They are definitely unreasonable and unpleasant, but I need to add the word "no" to my vocabulary.

Meh.

Comments

[cybermule.livejournal.com]

I might keep in cordial touch

Mmm. That's a plan and a half :) Last time, I just disappeared off the face of the earth, and only came back because my cousin tracked me down when my dad died. And I think that whole situation left me with an incredible amount of guilt (even though, and maybe partly because, I wouldn't change my decision). So I've tried to over-compensate a bit, I think.

In addition to being my mother, she thinks she's got me totally figured out

Weird - I once knew someone else who's mother was a psychologist, and she sounded so similar. It must be infuriating - I guess that parents just think they have you figured out because they've known you for 20 years, but don't realise that once you move away you can radically alter. Plus they seem to skip big chunks of your character - my dad *always* used to accuse me of being in a bad mood if I didn't talk for half an hour, whereas most of my friends would find that quite normal.

even to the point of claiming that some of my experience weren't "real" experiences

*nods* My parents never thought of my job as any sort of "real" commitment. TBH, they never took much interest - my dad thought I worked in a typing pool :) I'm sorry you have to put up with the same things - I guess as weel as having their own individual problems, parents have some universal traits.

I've taken several classes in arts and crafts

Ooo - a more cheerful diversion :) What did you do?

If she truly knew me, then she'd know how I feel about a certain lady in South Africa, and Mom has yet to even scratch the surface.

Ah - I think you mentioned this romantic interest somewhere else. I'm happy for you (and think she's damn lucky!) - when are you going to visit?