How the hell do I answer this...

[cybermule]

Why are you depressed?


Apparently, I should be over my dad dying, I should be grateful that I have a good life, and I'm mistaken in my impression that I didn't get much sleep last night.

I sound angry, but I'm not. I'm just confused because I was under the impression that people suffer from fairly causeless depression sometimes, and even when I do root around for reasons, they're not valid. I do try to work on it, but I also refuse to promise to do any more than try. Because I can't promise to get better, I can only promise to try. Any more is a lie.

I just get so fed up of being accused of not wanting to be happy, and of being flippant and uncaring about people. I'm tired of people psychoanalysing me -
don't think about X, it's making you unhappy...
I'm not thinking about X...
yes you are - I can tell...

Nobody knows what's going on in my head except me. I don't know a lot of the time, but then neither does anyone else :P

I think I hear the gentle crunch of a relationship biting the dust :(

Comments

[cybermule.livejournal.com]

Thank you, Apel. A lot of more more emotional posts here are a plea for objectivity, and I always respect your opinions a good deal. I think you're right - it is violating my right to my own emotions, and it has been making me angry. But because it's well-meant then I end up feeling like it's my problem. Story of my life :(

I think it needs sorting out - all the way through my grief, I keep getting told that I shouldn't remain angry/bitter/sad any more, when really I think it's making me worse, because I'm just amazed that I got through this at all! If you'd asked me a few years agao, I would have sworn that I couldn't have survived losing a parent, and here I am, still here and even dealing with the wider issues.

I feel a bit more self-confident now - thanks :)