(no subject)

[cybermule]

Not in a very happy mood - I think I've just run out of energy for dealing with the world :( This is mainly my own fault for being over-sensitive - I know that - but mostly I just feel like I'm the only person who gives a shit about things that really seem to matter. Or maybe it's just me going mad, and none of it really matters at all *shrugs* I just don't know any more - don't know whether to keep on fighting for what I think is right, or to just give up and make sure everything is peachy for me like so many other people seem to do.

Blah. I'm just getting stressed and depressed. I shouldn't really take any notice of people telling me how to run my life, but they're so good at making me feel bad :( And now I just want to hide under my duvet with my cat sitting on my stomach and read a good book. And I still have 7 hours and 40 minutes of work where I just want to cry...

I'm OK really - just depressed. I have some good weekend stuff to write - I'll do it later, after bloody office Christmas lunch.

Comments

[apel.livejournal.com]

Sorry you're feeling down. I hear some self-blame and self-shoulding in your entry.

[cybermule.livejournal.com]

Thanks, Apel. You're right - I'm just trying to do what (I think) everyone else wants me to do, and it's burning me out. And because there's no way I can make everything perfect, I think it's my fault - if I just tried harder etc. etc.

I just don't know how to break this habit. Mostly I'm OK at shrugging things off (although I'm always a bit over-sensitive to criticism). I guess it's just being a bit depressed and stressed, but I also think I need to find some sort of long-term way to break the thought cycles, you know?

Copycat!

[fyatuk.livejournal.com]

Hey, you stealing my subject matter? j/k

I know how you feel. It sucks and there's not much you can do about it. I'm trying to fight my way out of similar crap myself by refusing to pay attention to any of it. Just hope nothing drastic happens since the last time I tried this someone died on me. Oh well, that's life.

Re: Copycat!

[cybermule.livejournal.com]

Hey, you stealing my subject matter? j/k

Heehee - I was up first. Just for once, timezones work in my favour :P

Just hope nothing drastic happens since the last time I tried this someone died on me.

Mmm - same here. Like you said in your mail, I've been like this for 5 months too, so it's obviously a common "life events" type thing for us. I just feel so completely hopless at the moment - like life is an inevitable drudgery. I worry that I'll never get back to my pinnacles of happiness, my emotions and aspirations are both completely screwed, and I feel put upon. People don't always directly ask me to do stuff, but it just ends up that I feel obliged to help them out. Like I said to Apel above, I guess I've just got to snap out of the habit of taking responsibility for everything.

I just hope I'm not stuck feeling like this for ever, you know?

Re: Copycat!

[fyatuk.livejournal.com]

I just hope I'm not stuck feeling like this for ever, you know?

Yup, I'm thinking the same thing. That just means its time for a vacation. Time to go out and do something insanely stupid. Wonder what I could do.... I dunno. Oh well.

Re: Copycat!

[cybermule.livejournal.com]

Yeah - I was thinking that a vacation was a good plan. Plus, like you said, a few random events to stretch my boundaries and get some zest back for life. Might go to Alton Towers and plunge around on some rollercoasters or something :p

Re: Copycat!

[unsane1.livejournal.com]

People don't always directly ask me to do stuff, but it just ends up that I feel obliged to help them out.


Sounds like you need to become less nice/more selfish. :)

Re: Copycat!

[cybermule.livejournal.com]

Heh - that makes me seem nicer than I am. I just seem to get stuck with the dependent types in life - I hope that if I help them once, next time they'll sort themselves out. But they don't. And it's a zero-sum game...I burn myself out on those people, and people I actually truly and voluntarily love generally catch the flack - I'm grumpy or drained or depressed or just not around as much as I'd like to be :(

[framlingem.livejournal.com]

((((((((((((((((((((((((HANNAH)))))))))))))))))))))))

Does it help that I happen to think you're totally, utterly, without-reservation AWESOME?

If you didn't give a shit, you wouldn't be the strong woman I respect so much.

If you need some fuzzies... http://sheep123.keenspace.com .

[cybermule.livejournal.com]

Yes it does help :) Thank you Em - I can't remember having received such a warm and open-hearted compliment, and it means a hell of a lot to me. I hope you know that I appreciate you just as much.

[framlingem.livejournal.com]

You're welcome, and thanks back :) Did you like 'Count Your Sheep'?

[cybermule.livejournal.com]

Yes, I did. I love web cartoons and comic books and animations. I'm hoping one day to find a magic cartoon that I can disappear into. A bit like "James and the Giant Peach", but with cartoons instead of a peach :)

[framlingem.livejournal.com]

If you do find one, let me know :)

(btw - ozyandmillie.org is my all time favorite webcomic)

[cybermule.livejournal.com]

Heheh - that's two neat links to look at every morning at work :) Thanks Em - you're the first person I'll invite when I find the cartoon ...

[framlingem.livejournal.com]

You're welcome :) I don't understand why newspapers haven't syndicated O&M yet - the guy has tried - it's far, far better and funnier than a lot of stuff they have syndicated. (BC for instance, or Blondie - can you say same jokes over and over and over...)

[unsane1.livejournal.com]

If you do find one, let me know :)


Neal Stephenson - The Diamond Age. You guys would really enjoy that. The main character spends a large part of the story, literally, inside of a fantasy book. It's like a technologically plausible form of what you two were discussing above (disappearing into cartoons).

[framlingem.livejournal.com]

Is this wonder a book or a webcomic?

If the latter, where can i find it?

[unsane1.livejournal.com]

Book.

[framlingem.livejournal.com]

Right then.

*adds to Christmas list*

[cybermule.livejournal.com]

Heheh - cool, thanks :)